History… I hate history. With the exception of my history. I love going back and reading old blog entries and savoring those moments all over again. Analyzing what was and what is. How I have grown and how my views are stronger today than the day I wrote about them.
Recently, I have come across jealousy. It’s such an ugly trait. However, we all have experienced the feeling. We are human. I have never been jealous of what someone else has been able to obtain in life but I have realized I am what they call “the jealous type”. I mean come on, when you are in a relationship its a package deal. You, your beau, and jealousy. Its a horrible love triangle but it exists in all relationships. I want to be his every thought, his every call, his every text message, his everything. Well, guess what Amor Capdevila, not happening. It takes cojones to admit it but I have no problem saying it. If that is my one selfish quality I will defend, so be it. I think that being jealous of having to share the person that has become the center of heart is totally logical. “Its” yours. Right? I know its wrong to say that but that’s how I feel.
As I compare my old entries about “the apple of my eye” I have come to the conclusion that my condition has worsened (but who says that is a bad thing?). I’ve always had a little jealousy lurking around but I was to shy to admit it. Excuse my language, but I just don’t give a fuck anymore. It is what it is. Love is difficult and it has made me a more “honest” person. I have no shame in sharing my feelings. I cannot promise to be an adult in every situation as I do not expect him to. I cannot promise to not text furiously and be nosey as to his whereabouts. I cannot promise to not be “jealous”; I simply care too much and will protect what I love with everything in me. I cannot promise that I will hide my feelings because that will only make it worse. I cannot promise to admit I was wrong, if I ever am. However, I can promise that I will love like everyday was our last together. I can promise to be cautious of what I say and how I react to situations presented. I can promise to hold your hand and your heart with the utmost care. I can promise to try and be the best person I can be and support the person you have become today.
As another day in my life is coming to an end, I have found that there will always be habits and qualities about me that are amazing and others that require some tweeking. But one thing is, despite that my “jealous” tendencies do exist, I am woman enough to admit it. I have learned to swallow it and accept it. Though it’s nothing to be proud of (being “jealous”) it’s something I can work on. What makes it all fall into place and allows me to be content is the fact that I have the love of my life in it with me. We share this love and that is what matters. The magnitude of love we have for another. So “jealously” you can kiss my booty.
I have “love”.
Being in love is one of the hardest and most complex achievements a person can call theirs. Love is. It creeps in and takes you into another state of being. It becomes part of your existence; it’s what drives you to push forward. Its what brings people home. Love will make you cry, tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Its inevitable. To be in love with someone is almost like playing in fire and not getting burned. The flames may catch you at times but the attraction to the light will always keep you around.
I’ve learned that being in love; loving someone is not effortless but quite the opposite. Its a constant struggle to want to be consumed with the person. Though it is not feasible you cannot help the attraction. The pain of being too far. The yearning of feeling just the warmth of them next to you. Though these are the “happy” struggles of being in love there will always be the “not so happy” struggles. The concept of compromising. Being selfless in decision making. Above all patience and the graciousness of listening. These are all traits we all share and struggle the most with. Letting a piece of yourself go and handing it to the person you love. Hoping they are careful and as selfless as you.
Love really comes down to the simplest of concepts.
You and I.
good evening.
i feel i need to introduce myself to myself. it sounds kind of strange but you know when you feel as if life has been passing by rather too quickly? today turns into next week and next week turns into the new year.
i cant say i havent been writing because i lost myself; if anything i found myself in a new way. ive been experiencing things that my life hadnt matured into previously. playing the role of “adult” is no game i have to say. though i live at home and have the sense of security of a place to come “home” to; ive been pacing and retracing all the sticky notes and coffee conversations of creating my own “home”.
its a scary thing. to be grown up; or at least getting there. the inner child wants everything to happen now. to have an amazing and steady job, make a home, create a family. now. but the adult then comes into the picture and throws reality into my face and wipes all those childish fantasies away. i truly cant complain about my present position/location. i have a job, which plenty of people are lacking and am learning the ropes of the interior design world everyday. i need to constantly remind myself this. the opportunities may not be throwing themselves at me but i know they will present themselves at the proper time in my path. things just always seem to fall into place thankfully. with a little optimism and faith of course.
aside from my career war going on inside my head, i have filled up on love. i know i always talk about love but geez, who doesnt like love? or should i say love love? i cant help but share love, speak of love, give love, embrace love. its one of those feelings thats inexplicable. it just is. it doesnt need an explanation. just like the explosion of cosmic particles that follow my shadow around. the particles being all the individual reasons and mouth watering moments that have become the timeline of my love story. it seems as though the universe has rearranged its ever constant composition to make way for all the good luck, foxtails, sunny days, and right side up pennies to shower down on me the last two years of my haphazard trail of life.
fairy tails are called fairy tails for i dont know what reason really. i live a fairytail everyday of my life. its not perfect. its not easy. but its my fairytail. i get to wake up everyday knowing i am loved by my prince charming. and what can be greater than that? its those moments when we’re in a room full of people and he turns and says how beautiful i am. or when you just hung up the phone and right when your phone relieves itself from its barbaric daily handling, the phone rings and he just needed to say “i love you” one more time. its when i look at him and he smiles at me and i know at that precise moment that im starring my future right in the eyes.
im may not be right about everything but im sure of whats starring right back at me.
I hope my son is an exact replica of this
adorableeeeee
I started an inspiration tumblr for troubled teens and adults. I felt that I could get more out of life by sharing words of wisdom or at least someone to give advice or a hand. Please recommend the page as well.
Whenlifelovesyouback.tumblr.com
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